In 1998, I obtained a journalism degree with a naive and optimistic sense to change the world with my writing. Much like those politicians who think they'll go to Washington only to see Washington change them, I soon found out when people pay attention to what you put in the paper, it truly is an enjoyable moment. However, it's also too rare, as well as usually targeted with unfair criticism.
But something was brewing inside me. I realized I was itching for arguments too much. I was trying to pursue the greatest truths I could find. I was demanding too much out of myself...and others. Those I covered were starting to annoy me, even when they shouldn't have (Which, ideally, is never. But then again, you could say that about any workplace.)
Then I left. In the following months and years, I learned that my Voice - with the capital V symbolizing the artistic ways the small-"v" voice is used - was dramatically underdeveloped from what I thought it should be. Every source who showed me a different possibility, every story that either fit into my mythical paradigm, and every deep introspection into putting it all together; they just left me feeling lost.
I gave up writing for a while, although I dabbled in personal blogs on here in 2004 and on myspace from 2007 as therapy for rough patches in this process. But eventually I did navigate my way through to a place where I am content with my values and beliefs, confident enough that I could share them without fear.
Then last year, I thought about writing a column that was objective. Politics was too divisive. I wasn't at a point where I could find a comfortable way to write distinctively.
During a subsequent period of unemployment, I realized there was something I could try. All my life, I've been a sports fan. Not really that skilled of a player, but watching teams work together in a plan seemed to fascinate me from childhood. That, and the fact I was able to gain trivial knowledge about sports that neared "Geek" level. I couldn't play, but I could talk sports with some of the best of them.
So when I noticed a sports blog site I frequented was accepting free posts, I signed up, especially hearing that it was a great way to re-start a portfolio, since I was curious about any rebirth of reporting skills. A year later left me with this:
http://bleacherreport.com/users/282069-john-stebbins/archives/newest?rel=nofollow
It felt good to write about things I really enjoyed - and at a pace I wanted to write about them. I got lauded and I got criticized. While I relished in the ability to enjoy semi-directly answering to critics, I sometimes overdid it. But I think you can say I never overreached my expertise, which was the proverbial "wall" my political reporting career kept slamming me against.
However, unlike political reporting, I realized on my own terms that sports was something that I just enjoy. The rest of the world is where I truly live. It is simply time to focus on writing about the world once again.
I think the main difference between then and now is that when I discuss people's thoughts about the world, I am more able to be considerate and sympathetic enough to incorporate other beliefs when discussing my own, even if they should be distinct and conflicting.
Like B/R, I will do this at my own pace. It'll ebb and flow, but unlike daily or weekly reporting, it'll never be forced in accordance to a regular schedule. Should I reach the level of composing on a daily basis, then maybe this will be my ticket somewhere.
To where, I don't know. In his fantastic speech to the Dartmouth Class of 2011, Conan O'Brien stated that fulfillment can lie truly on the unpredicted paths life takes you. I can't say where this will take me - if anywhere, but then again, that can be a good thing.
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